i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
