Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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