I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
