Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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