I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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