He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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