Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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