the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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