I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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