Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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