Sry I called you an 8
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
