Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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