Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
