I want to walk on stilts...naked
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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