Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
