I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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