I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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