Christians are straight up FREAKS
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
