She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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