can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
