i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
