I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
