is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
