I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
