I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
