Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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