my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
