you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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