he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
