thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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