I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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