I've blown a few things in my day
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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