after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
