i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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