im six kinds of drunk right now
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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