I think scott just propositioned me for sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
