Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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