Dude my mom stole all your condoms
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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