i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
