Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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