And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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