I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
