Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
