FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
