The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Damn victory sex feels great
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
