your thong is hanging out like whoa
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
