remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.