i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How many fucks given?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.