I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.