you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks