maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
