I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
