Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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