You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
