I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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