Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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