I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
