She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
