Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
