Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
