It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
