my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
