Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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